Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
