why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
