Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
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