The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize
