i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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