i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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