shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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