he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Randomize
