shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
