Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
