quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Randomize
