So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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