My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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