I hate your face
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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