I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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