I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
