ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Randomize
