I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
