I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
