It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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