I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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