4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
