We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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