I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Randomize
