I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Randomize
