I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize
