can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
