omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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