I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Randomize
