Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
