Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
