i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
