so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
