I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
