I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
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