how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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