I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
