her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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