hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
