Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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