...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
