why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I love you. Go after that dick
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
