Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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