dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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