so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
This is the high leading the old right now
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
