he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
