hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I have tasted many bathrooms
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
