nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
