Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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