So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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