Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
