Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
