LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
