Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
