Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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