I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
