he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
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All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
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ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
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