out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
