The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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