Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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