At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
