Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
