why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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