Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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