It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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