why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
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