I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
