if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Randomize
