Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Randomize
