Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
her vagine was all disorganized.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
