wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
