I wannas sexs uuuuu
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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