you guys were way drunker than both of me
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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