This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
You smell like stripper and shame
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
