He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
