Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Randomize
