It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
ok first of all what the fuck
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
