Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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