Im at strip club and am horny
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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