So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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